The Perils of List Making

Episode 2: What I Want in a Girl
So as some of my readers from 2003 would know... lists are straight up a NO GO. Lists have a lot of problems with them. A Cast List for a play might not contain your name on it. Or in my case a weekly updated list of the hottest girls at the high school. Girls I didn't put on the list might have gotten offended! And list making... that usually involves some type of school work or "To-Do List" of things you don't wanna do. I've always liked making list though, and I'm here to show you they are not all bad!
~Andy

My friend who lives next to me in room 225 named Jay Havens told me if I wanted to find the right girl, I had to make a list of what I wanted in a girl. That way, I can determine better what type of girl to look for so it lasts long, and help you realize some impossible demands on your list which might explain why I'm getting none. So here goes. I'll make the list and analyse each one to determine where the problem is.

What I Want in a Girl
By: Andy Hulme
1)Thinks I'm funny
2)Respects that I like football or likes football
3)Doesn't mind getting there ass handed to them in Mario Party or any other real life minigames such as bowling and putt-putt golf
4)Doesn't mind my occasional false cockyiness
5)Doesn't mind if I occasionally refer to the general populous of girls as "bitches"
6)Looks or acts like Lindsay Gross
7)Doesn't call me or want to chill with me everyday
8)Doesn't mind me playing video games
9)Doesn't mind the way I dress or how it portrays me as Gangsta
10)Either has to like or respect the fact that I like both Rap and Techno music
11)Doesn't mind my friends and introduces me to hers
12)And finally, must enjoy old school activities such as walks or my big one, Picnics.
So lets see what the problem is.

1)Thinks I'm Funny.
That's actually not a big problem. A lot of girls at my college already think I'm really funny. Sometimes there are people that just aren't into my style of humor. Verdict: Highly Possible.

2)Respects that I like football or likes football. Pretty much all girls know how this is going down these days. They know Sunday is out, and a lot of them have actually started liking football themselves. Verdict: Highly Possible.

3)Doesn't mind getting there ass handed to them in Mario Party or any other real life minigames such as bowling and putt-putt golf. Some girls are ok with this but a lot of girls expect you to let them win sometimes even if they tell you otherwise. It's just so hard for me to be bad on purpose! Verdict: Pretty Low.

4)Doesn't mind my occasional false cockiness. It depends on the girl. A majority of them find it funny, I just have to better figure out a way to play that into something real, but a lot of them find it annoying too. Verdict: So-So.

5)Doesn't mind if I occasionally refer to the general populous of girls as "bitches". This isn't my fault. Rap music did this to me. I have yet to meet a girl that is ok with me saying this... but I just feel so cool walking into a room and being like "Whats up bitches?" Or be like "Yeah this bitch did this and that..." Ugh. Verdict: The Anti-Poon

6)Looks or acts like Lindsay Gross. Ok so this is kind of an awkward request. Basically, shes this sophomore girl I know. No, I'm not trying to get with her, but shes really interesting. Not only is there something strangely cute about her, but she is the only person I have ever known in my entire life where I have been unable to find a negative quality. I haven't known her that long, but long enough to have seen or heard about one. Verdict: Pretty Doubtful

7)Doesn't call me or want to chill with me everyday. I want a chill girlfriend, who doesn't ride me all the time. I mean I love her, but I hate the phone, and there are some days I just need to chill out. Many girls are illogical and would see this as "he doesn't wanna hangout with me/he doesn't care about me enough". Verdict: 50-50.

8)Doesn't mind me playing video games. Most girls know we do it. As long as we don't talk about them, it should be straight. But if I wanna play some while shes with me... hopefully that's not a huge problem but for some it is. Verdict: Probable.

9)Doesn't mind the way I dress or how it portrays me as Gangsta. A gangsta guy at my college give me advice. He said "Your clothes are too comfortable." I wear the same colours a lot. I wear South Pole more then I should. It kinda doesn't match me but I like looking nice.
Verdict: Not bad.

10)Either has to like or respect the fact that I like both Rap and Techno music. Ehh. Not a problem. Unless she truly hates the given type of music she'll be ok with it. Verdict: Likely.

11)Doesn't mind my friends and introduces me to hers. My friends are cool. But it's hard to just be thrown into that. And girls usually don't introduce until they are sure they wanna be with the guy, which is messed up. I respect any girl who introduces me to friends asap.
Verdict: Unlikely.

12)And finally, must enjoy old school activities such as walks or my big one, Picnics. Girls say Chivalry is dead, but what a load of shit. Girls don't want it back. Most girls don't want to do this old school stuff and then bitch about not being treated like that. Screw that!
Verdict: Low Possibility.

So this note really helped. I need to stop callin girls bitches, don't be too competitive, lower some standards, and just chill out on the dress and the low call policy. Look out ladies, here I come.... list and all.